#IWD2022

Be brave to take up & own the space - YOUR SPACE - in this world, because you can.

A BIG thank you to the College of Communication, National Cheng Chi University in Taiwan for giving me the opportunity to share and talk about women empowerment in the context of female storytellers; the opportunities, challenges, and struggles that come along with them in the field of documentary filmmaking to their audience, both on-site and online, last Tuesday night.

And forever grateful to Filipina filmmakers Alyx Ayn Arumpac and Claire Dy for allowing me to screen excerpts of their films.

happy #internationalwomensmonth abante, babae!

Artistic Actions in Practice in the Mekong Region

For the month of March, we would like to invite everyone to join the upcoming arts and culture event entitled: Artistic Actions in Practice in the Mekong Region hosted by the College of Communication, National Chengchi University (NCCU) Taiwan. This six-evening program will be in English, and is free and open to the public; for both in-person (in Taipei) participants and online viewers.

Information about the speakers & moderators can be viewed here: artchats.net/speakers-moderators-en

Full program details can be found here: artchats.net

For those who want to join the event, you may register through this link: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSesuGsEVb1vQYTs8xw6d01Zc94M_Fadqm_YEqsVApfLWI0Upg/viewform?fbclid=IwAR13J1oEnNYnHB6Wy1W2GSC3e4wawEhTaQcmZQc5Nxq7wu0s-oH4HXOwm80

Official text invite:

Can art really create a revolution and change the world?

Arts and culture can play an important role in inspiring change within any society or community, and the Mekong is no exception. This series of talks will take you on a sail to the Mekong region, and meet the artists and cultural actors who engaged themselves in community art projects; arts for social change; and the artistic strategies for dealing with censorship.

11 experienced art and culture practitioners will share their stories on the six-evening journey.

Join us on the sail!

NCCU 2022 Lecture series

Tiny heart attacks, at an early hour, are both good and bad. OMG.

Jokes aside, I'm excited and honored to share that I will be joining 10 other amazing artists and creative practitioners from the Mekong region in the upcoming program: Artistic Actions in Practice in the Mekong Region organized by the college of communication, National Chengchi University (NCCU) Taiwan.

I will be giving a short talk on International Women's Day, 8th March, and will be hosting/moderating the talk about Human Rights of Thet Oo Maung (Myanmar) and Sor Rattanamanee Polkla (Thailand) on 10th March. The event will be in English and is free and open to the public.

I hope you'll be interested to join and watch all ten wonderful lectures and screenings!

Life lately

This is me dropping by to share some mundane life updates, in sort of bullet points, with y'all.

- My brain and attention span is still dwindling and all, so doing some leisure reading is still a struggle. I tried to re-read Yasunari Kawabata's Beauty & Sadness, but I've only managed to read around two chapters before dropping it. So I jump and went with Sally Rooney's Beautiful World, Where Are You instead. But I gave up with it after barely reading half a chapter. So much for trying, I know!

I ended up picking two other titles: Atomic Habits (James Clear) and There's No Such Thing As An Easy Job (Kikuko Tsumura). The former is a physical book that I read at night before going to bed, while the latter is an e-book that I read on my phone. And I'm happy to report that I'm actually enjoying it. I just hope that I (aka my brain) can keep the momentum of sorts.

book covers from fully booked website

- I reactivated my Netflix account after developing a slight obsession with Hospital Playlist. Watching the entire series is like a therapy of sorts that I never thought I needed. I have never seen myself laugh, cry and cry some more every time I finish an episode. I'm currently halfway through the second season - which is a rare thing - for korean dramas, and I swear I am not ready to accept the fact that the entire series is over.

Why you do this, tvN and Netflix? WHY!?

image from here

- I gave in to the online shopping gods this year. Since the pandemic happened, I've resorted to online shopping to buy essential items aka things for my pet cat. As much as possible, I tried my best to stop myself from buying non-essential items aka more gel pens for coloring, among other things. I did, however, ended up buying other stuff: like a mattress, a smart watch (if that's what it's called?), work shoes (because I'm back to reporting physically at work), and pajama bottoms. And I have to say, my best purchase so far... has been the pajama bottoms. 

How about you- how have you been?

Happy Birthday... sort of.

image taken from here

"Even if it’s a dumb story, telling it changes other people just the slightest little bit, just as living the story changes me. An infinitesimal change. And that infinitesimal change ripples outward –ever forgotten, but the stories will last. And so we all matter –maybe less than a lot, but always more than none."
– John Green, An Abundance of Katherines

Today's reminder that apparently this online space, well mostly some parts of it, of mine has been existing and collecting a bunch of cobwebs for the past fifteen years.

Back in 2006, I decided to make an online diary (very old school, I know!) as I started my life as a budding kolehiyala. The majority of my posts were all about my experiences in school; from the funny, silly, and even horrifying ones. And okay, most of them contained so many rants, too. Remembering how I wrote all of them back then, well you best believe that they were all dramatic. But you know what, I'm not going to apologize for that. Because those were the days where no one really gives a shit about what you say and post on the internet.

I mean, if you're a kid who grew up with MySpace and Tumblr then I'm pretty sure you can relate to what I mean. Amirite?

Enter 2009. After three years of oversharing my life to the internet void, I decided to delete the blog. Back then I felt that the space has served its purpose for me. I went on and DELETED EVERYTHING (of which I am kinda regretting now!) but for some weird reason, I didn't delete the domain. I just went on blogging hiatus (if that's even a term for it) and stopped writing. Or more likely, I lost my interest in writing.

In the following year, I decided to create another blog on a different platform. I cannot exactly remember though if it was on WordPress or LiveJournal, but my sole reason for making one was to attempt to write again. But obviously, it didn't really happen! I tried it out for a month or two but then I got bored of it. So, I took it down too. 

Yeah, yeah. I suck. Tell me something I don't know.

Before the same year ended, I went on a clean sweep of all my online accounts. I checked which ones I needed to deactivate and which ones I'll keep using. That's when I came across my old domain once again. I managed to figure out my password -- which was luckily etched somewhere in my very messy brain -- and I was able to access the account. My only memory of that moment was when I clicked the dashboard, I had this silly, huge smile on my face. The next thing I knew, I went back to blogging once again.

And as they say, the rest was history.

After four years, my restless self wanted to quit again. Although this time it was for personal (and okay, very emotional) reasons. However, the old me didn't learn from my past mistake. Ya girl obviously wasn't literate about the concept of archiving back, so she ended up deleting most of the contents of the blog. After that, I went on to deactivate the entire account. That move was to make sure that nobody can trace it online.

Things you do when you're very emotional, right? My bad, people. My bad!

Around the last quarter of 2015, the internet gods nudged me. I tried to check if I can still reactivate the account; domain, contents, and all. I was contemplating whether I should just use it again, for the sake of familiarity, or I would just close it down and move on. I ended up doing a bit of both. I kept the account but I deactivated the domain. The computer noob in me also learned that I can create a new one within the same account, so that's what I eventually did.

But I have to be honest, I'm barely keeping this space alive for the past six years. As the saying goes, the struggle has been freaking real! One factor is that laziness gets into me too. But to those who personally know me, they think that I enjoy (and at some point, thrive on it!?) writing. So they really don't buy the idea that I'm not motivated enough. I guess I've probably been faking it for a very long time, for them to think of me that way? Or something like that. 

Apart from writing, I have other reasons why I'm still holding on here. If it wasn't for blogging/writing, I wouldn't have met a few people who eventually became my really close friends; both online and offline. And of course, this space will always remind me of the "good times" where I can freely talk about anything: from the sensible to the senseless, to probably some stupid shit, among other things. And because anonymity was respected, it was empowering and liberating.

Not to mention the fact that it offered me a safe space where I can just be myself.

Laziness aside, don't get me wrong. I try to convince myself to write. I've been looking for ways to make use of this space. In 2017, I joined the blogging bandwagon of writing a series of Sunday blog posts. And I'm happy to report that I've managed to be consistent at it. Operative word: managed. And I'm also putting my occasional word vomits into good use here by writing bits of poetry here, too.

So, please don't give up on me?

The fact that I'm still trying to be active here and all is an achievement for me already. I mean isn't writing all about trying and you occupying space with your thoughts at your own time? Well, that's how I view it. I may be wrong or it may be different from you.

Anyway, here's to more bleaching thoughts being thrown at ya, blogosphere. Thanks for keeping up with me, too.

The thing about grief

Missing a friend extra hard today. It's been three years since he passed, but I'm still mourning. My Sundays will never be the same again without you, buddy. Thank you for being a great friend and for teaching me how to be one, too. I hope you're having some damn good coffee and whiskey, wherever you are.

Also, if any of you is reading this, take this as a sign: reach out to a friend (or a loved one) and let them know how grateful you are to have them in your life.

That's one regret I have; that I never got to tell him that he's my favorite person in the world.

Untitled.10

Photo by Camila Quintero Franco on Unsplash

i.

Pain. It has a pattern.
At first, it’s too terrible to think about.
It’s too hard to believe and too hard to accept.
But it gets even harder
to forget and move forward.

That’s why you close all doors on it.
But still, it wouldn’t stay out.
It will keep on pounding on you,
til you give in, and let it crush you to pieces.

ii.
Pain. It winds around the entirety of you.
It moves from the front of your mind,
up to the back of your head and heart.
It stays there for a while,
and makes you cry
until your tears duct run dry.

iii.
Pain. It starts from one small thing.
It’s something you cannot really control,
Acknowledging it is the first step,
as it helps you slowly get a hold of it;
you feel it, you address it,
and then you drop it after.

iv.
Pain. You don’t really need
to think much about it.
As you address the pain, remind yourself
that the feeling won’t be permanent.
Remind yourself that you’ll wake up one day,
and everything will be
in its right place, on the right time.
You just have to believe in it.

Buhay Ninja

Totoo nga siguro ang sabi nila na, "Time flies when you're having fun."


Kung iisipin ko kasi, tatlong taon na ang lumipas simula noong bumalik ako sa trabahong ito. 2017 nung pinili ko ulit maging isang ninja producer, among other things. Kung susumahin ko naman, halos siyam na taon rin ang itinagal ko sa industriyang ito. At aaminin ko, hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na tumagal ako sa trabaho na ito; a career that I built from scratch.

Nakakaloka lang, diba?

Nagsimula ako bilang isang EA na naging PA, na naging Researcher, na naging Production Manager, hanggang sa naging (docu) Producer ako, at ngayon isang makulit na Supervising Producer. Totoo nga siguro ang sabi nila na 'fake it till you make it,' kasi kahit hindi ako comms major or filmmaker, eh may mga taong naniwala sa kakayahan ng utak at pagkatao ko. Akalain mong binigyan nila ako ng oportunidad na magtrabaho at matuto.

Kung anu-anong istorya na ang hinanap at pinaglaban ko para ma-pitch. Kung saan-saan na ako nakarating para mang-interview at mag-shoot: mapa-bundok, landfill, pati sa loob ng masikip na kulungan. quota na rin ako sa pag-tumbling, pag-iyak at pagpupuyat. na-break ko na ang personal record ko na walang tulugan ng halos 32-hours dahil sa deadlines.

    

On that note, isang mahalagang paalala para sa mga bagets: HUWAG. AKONG. GAYAHIN. MATULOG KAYO! UTANG NA LOOB!!

Sa ngayon, medyo nagagamay ko na ang ibang aspeto ng trabaho ko. Uso sa amin ang colloboration, lalo na pagdating sa concept creation, pitching at pagsusulat. Masasabi ko na nakakapag-practice na ako ng maayos lalo na pagsusulat ng script at paggawa ng mga pitch deck. Nitong taon na ito, naging co-writer ako ng scripts para sa sex-comedy series na ginawa namin. At medyo quota na rin ako (at ang aking maliit na ulo at brain cells!!) sa mga concepts na na-pitch namin sa iba't-ibang mga kliyente namin.

And I won't lie, I think I've earned the right to na maging proud sa mga pinag-gagagawa kong pagpupuyat, pag-iyak (na mala-South China Sea sa lawak at gulo!), at paglaban sa mga ideya at istorya na sa tingin kong worth it.

But I have to be honest, hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ako magtatagal sa trabahong ito. Aware din naman ako na mas maraming magaling sa akin. Kung makikilala mo ako sa personal, medyo papasa pa akong fresh grad o intern... dahil sa boses kong tunog Pikachu at sa height kong pang-elementary. #youcanthaveitall daw kasi bes!

Pero ok, jokes aside, tulad nga ng sabi ko maraming mas bata sa akin na may experience, mas matindi ang hustling skills, at updated ang skills set in terms of selling and slaving themselves in this industry. And ok, aaminin ko rin na dumating na ako sa punto na kinukwestyon ko na rin ang sarili ko:

Kaya pa ba? Masaya ka pa ba? Relevant ka pa rin ba?

Kapag sumasagi sa isip ko ang mga tanong na ito, gusto ko siyang tawagin bilang existential crisis - kung anong mang crisis ang pinagdadaanan ng tao - kapag nag-trenta na siya. O baka in-denial lang ako? Hay! ewan ko na. Siguro kapag dumating na yung oras na yun; na wala na! finish na! give up na si ate girl!

Cue in bow sabay exit sa kanan.

On a sweeter note, grateful naman ako sa trabahong ito. Kahit ilang beses kong siyang iniwan, because reasons, eh binabalik-balikan ko pa rin siya. Kung hindi dahil sa trabahong 'to, hindi ko makilala ng mas mabuti ang sarili ko; yung good side, yung bad side. Idamay mo na si crazy-in-between dahil dito ko na-realize na may silbi pala ang pagiging weird do. Akalain mo yun?

At para naman sa iba sa inyo, habang nandito pa ako eh mulhang wala tayong lahat choice... kung hindi pagtiisan ako. Kidding! Seriously though, huwag kayo mag-alala. Masaya at profesisonal akong katrabaho. That I can definitely assure you.

Kung hindi ka pa rin convinced, eh di ililibre kita ng kape tapos mag-usap tayo. G?

The Blind Side

I've been wearing eyeglasses since I was 4-years old. For the past 26 years, I've worn more or less 22 pairs of eyeglasses. And for a person born with an in-born eye defect, the glasses became my lifeline. My once blurred vision can finally see things that made me smile and live life, in limited ways, I am allowed to. It gave me a reason to not hate the fact that I need to see an Ophthalmologist and an Optometrist every 6 months.

labeled as Miko's glasses #20 (gray case) and Miko's glasses #21 (white case). I always lose my eyeglasses cleaner, but I make sure I don't lose my eyewear repair kit.

The glasses also became a part of my identity too. Wearing them made me stand-out, both in a good and bad way. Wearing them made me look smart, but it also made me look fragile and clumsy. Wearing them gave people a reason to bully and call me names. And wearing them made me look different, hence it means that you're ugly and just trying to look cool.

A sketch made by a former teammate of mine sometime in 2019.

All of those thoughts came out during my last trip to the doctor. Given my condition, they told me that surgery might work but they couldn't guarantee that I can have a 20/20 vision for a long time. They reminded me to come back again for another set of tests because the previous one wasn't good.

One of the doctors asked me, "What would be the first thing you'd do after having eye surgery?" The doctor sensed that I was hesitant to answer her question, so she made a joke. "I suppose you'd want to do something fun, like kiss someone siguro no?"

I chuckled at her before I finally had the courage to say, "I'd probably have the courage to finally look at myself at the mirror...without hating what I see in the mirror..." 

Before I left she gave me a hug and jokingly convinced me that I should give the kissing a try. Well, maybe I will- let's cross the bridge when we get there!

#WorldPoetryDay

image from here

Whether we admit it or not
we find ourselves dealing with silent demons
during days when our head becomes restless,
until it starts feeding us with
unnecessary thoughts and feelings.
Or times wherein our head feels light,
and our body suddenly feels numb and exhausted.

It’s a shift that we, at some point, cannot understand.

You try to shake it off, but couldn’t.

You try so hard to fight it off, but couldn’t.

Until we end up crying for help.

But sometimes, it feels like we’re just shouting out to the void –
greeted with silence,
answered with emptiness,
and reminded that sometimes there are struggles
that we end up battling and figuring out
on our own. And all we can do is hope
that we emerge out of it – from whatever it is – alive. 

Unwell

I have to admit,

reading and writing

used to be my refuge

whenever something bad

happens in my life.

But right now,

I'm not sure if it still works.

Currently listening: Unwell by Matchbox Twenty

Closing Time

image from here

I'd rather not talk about what happened to me and to my life in this decade. But if there's one thing I'm sure of is that I've grown in so many ways. And I'd like to focus on that instead.

In a way, I am grateful that I've gone through some shit because it didn't just teach me life lessons, but it also helped me understand myself better; from knowing what things I can do, to new things I'm willing to learn, and even accepting the fact that there are things that- no matter how I try- I just can't do it.

The process may have re-opened old wounds and left new scars, but I guess that's all part of it.

So, here's to the decade that kicked me to the curb and shaped me to be the person that I am right now. And cheers to the coming new year that hopefully will be kind enough to help me redefine my life, for the better.


Currently listening: Closing Time by Semisonic

The thing about cosmetics

Let me tell you a secret: I'm a noob when it comes to using make-up.

If you ask any of my close friends, they can attest (and ok, probably have a good laugh at it too!!) that they've never seen me wear make-up, ever. And believe it or not, the last time I had full make-up on was during our college graduation picture taken back in 2009, I think?

My mommy never taught me how to use them, though she was the first person who introduced it to me, as well as used them on me. I've tried watching make-up tutorials on YouTube but I still couldn't grasp certain things. Don't get me wrong though, I've tried to use some but my knowledge is limited with two things only: a mascara and a lipstick.

I've sort of given up with the former because having an eye problem is a bitch; either I poke my eye a lot or I find it difficult to do it because of my very blurry eyesight. As for the latter, I got used to it since it was sort of easy to use and do. One thing that I just hate it that I find it difficult to use tube lippies because I tend to break it! One horror story I have is that I almost broke the tip of the first tube lipstick that I got... all because I twisted the tube, by accident, even before I removed the cap.

Stupid, I know. Please don't judge me.

That said, I end up using lip glosses and liquid lipsticks mostly since it's idiot-proof. But lately, I've been lucky enough to get a few tubes from very nice people. And since I have no idea when they'll expire(!!!), I need to practice how to use them so it won't go to waste... And ok, I also want to learn how to not be afraid of using make-up.

Again, please don't judge me for that!

So, two things: One, does anyone have any tips on how to apply it without potentially breaking the lipstick? Two, if all else fails, I'll buy myself a lipstick brush. But where can I get one though?

Anyone?

Of Funks & Hiatus

The first thought that came to my mind as I start writing this is: I AM STILL ALIVE

Ok, saying that kinda sounds morbid? I blame this melodramatic(!?) feeling of mine to the long hiatus I've had from writing. It's been a while since I last wrote something... personal here. Also, I feel like this page has gathered a lot of cobwebs already of which makes me feel guilty even more because I made a promise to myself that I would write more often.

I guess I'm not good with making promises then? YIKES.

Anyway, here's a quick life update for all of you-

My brain has been busy jumping from one project to another lately. Work has been pretty much busy and crazy since we've got three big projects rolling for this year. Our team is currently doing a 10-episode sex comedy series for HOOQ, a streaming app. We still have four(!!!) more shooting days to finish the remaining episodes, while post-production will be on a roll until September.

In case you wanna check it out our sex-positive series, HOOQ drops a new episode, on both their app and on their website for free, every Friday. Episodes one to five is available for streaming for now as well.

Ok, forgive me for doing a shameless plug here!!

Aside from the sex series, we're also working on a rockumentary and a true-crime series. The projects were commissioned by two different clients, but both needs to have a pilot out by the end of the year. So, I need to make sure that happens... in four months!!

The former is currently in the production stage. I've managed to squeeze in two shooting days, and I have to say- it was insane! Also, it was my second time to direct a shoot (it happened on the very last minute!!!) so my head was all over the place- WHICH IS NOT THE WAY TO GO!!!!- and I was having a tiny heart attack before and during the shoot. But thankfully, I managed and emerged from that shoot alive. I don't know how, but I fucking did!

I just have to say that my takeaway from that moment... is that I'm very much happy working as a Producer than being a Director... especially if you're working with rockstars! LOL

On the night of the second shoot, we had to film an actual gig. It was crazy fun- except for the paying for an overpriced iced tea part. Haha! It was my first time to watch a gig again, not to mention to go to a crowded bar in Makati, and on a Friday night. We finished filming before midnight, and by the time I woke up a few hours after I swear I could still hear the drums and the bass ringing in my ears.

As for the latter, the crime series is currently on pre-production/writing stage. And to be honest, this project is giving me tiny heart attacks at some point. But let's not get into that for now.

So that's pretty much what I've been up to lately. There are so many things happening and I'm trying my best to stay focused to get things done. I'd like to think that I've managed to do so because there are days where I feel an accomplished (wonder)woman. And I suppose that's a good thing, right?

But I won't lie, I also have those days where I feel exhausted and depleted. Whenever that happens, I find myself fighting hard the feeling of just staying in bed and cry. And that's not a good thing too because it leads to more problems; from feeling frustrated, angry, and empty, among other things.

I think this quote from Jeanette Winterson best explains what I feel:

"The body shuts down when it has too much to bear; goes its own way quietly inside, waiting for a better time, leaving you numb and half alive."

But ok, before you judge me though, I'm telling you now that I'm doing something about it. I won't go into details about it, but let me assure you that I'm working on this. All I can say is that I need to get out of this funk. And first on my list is how to get out of this negative madness that's been lurking around me.

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para saan pa ang pagdurusa
kung hindi naman para sa
minimithi mong katahimikan?

para saan pa ang pagdurusa
kung hindi naman para sa
inaasam mong kalayaan?

para saan pa ang pagdurusa
kung hindi naman para sa
hinihintay mong kasiyahan?

para saan pa, para saan pa?
kung parati ka naman bumabalik
sa simula.

wala naman pinagbago.
wala pa ring nagbabago.

wala na—
suko na.

Birthday note to self: 03

For the longest time, I haven't been really honest about a lot of things. So I think it's about time that I do so.

Since I was 12, my life revolved around masking and hiding things; from witnessing a family tear apart, to losing a home and losing people you consider your friends, among other things. And as I prepare myself for the worst, all I could do was to accept that this was my reality now, and I need to learn how to move forward from it instead.

To be honest, it was tough. Isn't it hard to expect a 12-year old to move on from whatever pain & trauma they experienced? Especially if the kid witnessed a parent who tried his child with a knife during a petty fight, or if the kid gets thrown at with a chair just because the parent got pissed.

But what can she do? She was expected to deal with it, forget and move on, without any complaints. So that's what she did.

Believe me, she tried.

But as years passed by, despite me trying to deal with it, I again lost one more thing: myself.

Adjusting to my new reality also meant that I had to say goodbye to my old self; from my inner voice, thoughts, feelings, and emotions. And because of that, I felt that I was robbed of other things too- from having options and making my own choices, to having the possibility of having my own dreams or even planning my future. It was a painful thing to lose, but I didn't have any choice. The day I lost my sense of being was the day my old self died.

As much as I want to question or complain, I couldn't. Because if I showed any hint of anger, frustration, or hatred, I was called out as ungrateful and selfish.

Fast forward to 18 years after. As I turn 30 today, as much as I want to consider myself like a grown ass adult, I still see myself as a big mess too. There are days where I'm ok and doesn't give a fuck about old wounds. I can easily convince myself that all is well and cruising the road to healing is a breeze.

But there are days wherein matter how much tears I've shed, prayers I've offered, and god knows what, I'm back to square one- dealing and drowning in pain. It's fucked up but I'm doing the best I can to not succumb in doing anything stupid.

Believe me, I'm trying my best here. But I won't lie, part of me is about to give up too.

Untitled.08

Trying to be fine,
Trying to be normal,
Trying to be okay.

But then it hits you.

Darkness suddenly enters
Sadness slowly lingers,
Embracing you--- killing you softly.

Then dead silence.

You freeze, you fret
You blink, you weep
Until you give in--- succumbing to pain.

Then it stops.

Gasping for air, but still cautious.
Regains composure, but still panting
Patiently zapping yourself back on your toes

Until you slowly realise,

You’re back to reality
but at least not in square one
because you made progress---

addressing, acknowledging pain.

The concept of Home

"Home is not a place,it's a feeling." 

― Cecelia Ahern, Love, Rosie

#CNY

"Regardless of what sign you are,
like I said, pay attention
to your well-being.
Physical, mental and
emotional well being.
Be mindful of the words
that you choose.
Pay attention to relationships.
Try to always achieve
that balance in your life.
Work-life balance..."



Read more here.

Oh, Taipei 101

To be honest, discovering you was a bit frustrating.

By the time I reached the top of the escalator, I stopped and looked up. I found myself staring at your a tall bamboo-looking structure that was partly covered by fog. Suddenly, raindrops started falling from the sky. The people around were opening their umbrellas, while some were running to look for a dry spot. But there I was, looking like a lost child while staring at the dancing lights, the waving flags, and getting in the way of people.

If you ask me, it felt a bit cinematic- in a funny way. But not until it started to get chaotic.

The area was crowded. Buses filled with tour groups were coming non-stop and they were scattered everywhere. You would hear a variety of languages speaking, screaming, laughing and getting confused with translation. The rain didn’t stop them from waiting to see what’s inside and what’s above. Excitement and chaos filled the air.

But at the end of it, I was able to have some peace and quiet.

Two blocks away was a quiet corner; an empty pedestrian, apartments with their cozy lights and tv screens on, and outdoor Christmas decors that were getting drenched. From afar, I could still see you- standing tall and trying to be shining and shimmering on a cold winter night. So I stared for one last time with admiration and interest before saying goodbye. Then I turned my back and continued walking, while letting Google Maps dictate where I should go to next.